What is Love

I met my wife in Grade 9. She sat in front of me during English class. We conversed on occasion, the usual Gr. 9 stuff I am sure, can I borrow a pencil, what was your mark on the last assignment. Blah, blah, blah. Fate ensured that we saw each other on and off over the course of that first year. She sat behind me in math class, I no longer remember if it was Gr. 9 or 10.

Sometime in that first year she reached out and grabbed my heart firmly with her eyes and took possession of it. It would take me 5 more years to convince her that she did indeed have my heart and that it was a worthy object to hold. During the course of 5 years of high school education we moved through many phases in our relationship. I can recall countless episodes of my own puppy love. I can also recollect moments of deep respect, annoyance, anger and lust. Throughout those 5 years, for the most part, we remained good friends.

This February 6th I will have the distinct honour and privilege of having spent more of my life in a relationship with my wife than without. Feb 6th will mark the 18th anniversary of us being together as a couple (not married).

18 years we have been together, ½ of my lifetime. That is a big number. I am not sure if I truly understand the scope of that.

And after 18 years I can tell you that I still love her. I can write those words without flinching or pausing. The real question is what does it really mean to say/write/type those 3 little words.

We live busy lives, we both have professional careers, we are raising 3 sons, the boys are at an age where we are investing serious amounts of time into their activities (swimming, hockey, soccer, play group). We are also trying to balance individual time for each of us, with each of our children. Add on top of that cooking, cleaning, laundry and life maintenance. We each look for our own down time at the end of a given day. At the end of this, there is not much time left at the end of a day\week\month for “us”.

How does love survive these busy years, where the royal “us” is given the very lowest priority?

As part of trying to find time with each other we have cross-over interests. I am not much of a TV guy, and when I do watch TV, it is generally the “egg-head” channels watching specials on the Rise and Fall of the Byzantium Empire. My wife’s choices are either focused around the Home and Garden shows or some sitcoms. But to spend time with her last season I booked one night a week to watch the Amazing Race. She, on the other hand, has stepped into my world and will play World of Warcraft with me.

Last night was gaming night, we hook up with another married couple and a work friend to roam the Azeroth landscape righting wrongs and defeating evils. I do not recall hat lead to it, or what it was that we said, but at one point in the evening a comment was made. My wife and I both responded at the exact same time, with the exact same words in the exact same cadence. This was no monosyllabic grunt, but a full response to something that had been said. After we said it there was a brief pause and then laughter. The other married guy (only 2 years or so married) responded in a joking manner something to the effect “that was really weird, you guys have been around each other way to long”. My gut response to his comment; “no that wasn’t weird, that was love”.

So what is love? Sitting in a silent room together in perfect comfort without the need to force a conversation. Watching the patterns of ups and downs in your life perfectly mirrored to your spouse. To being able to respond in unison with the same answer, the same cadence and knowing that answer is right.